First I want to state that the purpose of this paper is to mainly get my feelings out about how I feel about my personal strengths and struggles with ADHD, some minor editing structural assistance was provided by the use of AI. Also I am not an expert by any means, but I have experience. I am not ashamed of my ADHD in any form, and at times it may come off that way. But, I am in no way “proud” of it either. This paper is not meant to be an academic paper or anything of that sort. Even though there is research involved with certain parts of the paper, it is still meant to be a form of a personal narrative or reflection. I hope you enjoy, or at least learn something about what ADHD is and how it affects the lives of people that have it.
Part 1
Let’s start out by defining what ADHD is. ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, let’s dissect what that means. If you take it word by word it means that someone has trouble paying attention and they are constantly active. I feel like when most people picture someone with ADHD they picture a child, normally a boy, that is running around and being disruptive in the classroom. But that’s not really an accurate picture of what ADHD is. So if you take it word by word it makes it sound like every single person that has ADHD is the same person. But that is simply not true and it isn’t really fair to those of us that have ADHD. You can’t just take all the people in the world that have ADHD and put them in a box that says “these people don’t pay attention and are always active”. Everyone’s ADHD affects them in different ways. ADHD isn’t a disease that gives everyone the same symptoms. Think of ADHD more like a spectrum, different than the Autism spectrum, and people with ADHD fall somewhere on that spectrum, rather than ADHD being something that people have. Everyone who falls on the spectrum falls on it in a different place. It’s kinda like fingerprints, meaning that each person that falls somewhere on the spectrum falls in their own unique place. Someone may fall in a similar place on this spectrum as someone else, but that does not mean their ADHD affects them in the same way. So the question is, is ADHD the right/best term for this spectrum? In my opinion no, it is not.
A few years ago I was scrolling through Tik Tok and I saw a video of a guy by the name of Connor Dewolfe. Dewolfe said that instead of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder it should be called Dopamine Attention Variability Executive Dysfunction, or DAVE for short. Unfortunately the name “DAVE” does make it sound like it is some kind of cruel joke that is poking fun at those of us on this spectrum, but it does a much better job at explaining what it is. Now let’s dissect this word by word. Dopamine plays a huge part in the lives of people with ADHD, due to the fact that dopamine is the chemical in the brain that tells us if an activity is enjoyable and it plays a role in what motivates us. Our dopamine varies from task to task. If I were to sit down at work and start organizing worksheets that my students had completed, the dopamine will probably “run out” much quicker than it would if I were doing a preferred activity, like minecraft (There is always plenty of dopamine for minecraft). It is also the thing that drives us to pay attention. If I had to attend a lecture about the history of France in the 1400’s (no offense France) I am going to zone out much quicker than if I were to attend a lecture about the way J.R.R Tolkein created The Hobbit. And it isn’t a matter of “not trying to pay attention”, you can try to drive a car on empty, but you aren’t going to get very far, no matter how hard you try. Executive dysfunction is exactly what it sounds like, executive functioning just is not our thing (not trying to speak for anyone here). Executive functioning is the stuff that allows us to complete and start tasks, plan ahead, solve problems, and control our emotions. It’s just hard for us and it also varies from person to person and task to task. I am pretty good at planning ahead and I’m pretty bad at initiating tasks in the moment.
Quick side story. One of the things I was
in charge of at my school, I’m an elementary
school teacher that works in exceptional
education by the way, was to lead an
executive functioning group for students that
need some help in that area. And I was probably
the last person that should have been doing that.
DAVE is not the only alternate name that people have suggested for ADHD. Dr. Gabor Maté came up with the term “Variable Attention Stimulus Trait”, or VAST. Similar to DAVE, VAST shifts its focus to attention and stimuli. I think both of these definitions have good traits about them, and are both a better acronym than ADHD, but neither one is perfect. And that’s just my own personal opinion, I know that there are people throughout the internet that have spoken out about how they love these new acronyms and names for ADHD. I think it will be pretty hard to come up with a “perfect” name for this thing some of us have.
I feel like this is the part of the paper where I, the author, am supposed to come up with this really genius sounding name that makes everything make sense and explains ADHD perfectly. But that is not the case here. I don’t know what to call it. I think it is important that if the name were to change, and I doubt it does, the change include initials for variability and attention. And I am not saying that those are the only aspects that matter. But in my opinion they are two of the most important. And honestly all of the letters in DAVE make perfect sense in my opinion. I just don’t love the fact that it kind of feels like a joke of a name. Maybe have it spelled EDAV, Executive-dysfunction dopamine attention variability. That feels like the best option to me personally. But I doubt the term ADHD will be changed anytime soon.
So, who can get ADHD? Anyone can! ADHD is not something that someone can attract. They are either born with it or not, it’s that simple, there is not another way to get it. For someone to be officially diagnosed with ADHD they must see a psychiatrist or psychologist. One can unofficially diagnose themselves by taking a test online and if they fit within a certain criteria they can then consult a professional about their results. When diagnosing someone with ADHD a professional will be looking for signs of inattentiveness, forgetfulness, carelessness, easily distracted, fidgeting, impulsivity, difficulty waiting turns, and much more. They also look for how long the child has shown symptoms of ADHD and if they symptoms are present in multiple different settings. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, ADHD is more commonly diagnosed in males than females. This is a commonly reported fact across many different sources. The reason for this is due to the fact that males generally show signs of ADHD due to their hyperactivity while a girl’s ADHD manifests in a different way than boys. A lot of the time the hyperactivity part of ADHD is taken way too seriously. The reason it’s not diagnosed in young girls is because normally they aren’t super hyper active like the boys their age, it might manifest as inattention or daydreaming. The hyperactivity part of ADHD is not always there and it almost feels misleading to me that it is in the name. There isn’t definitive evidence that dopamine regulation is an issue everyone with ADHD struggles with. However, according to Healthline Magazine dopamine regulation may be a contributor to ADHD. The level that their dopamine is affected varies from person to person and activity to activity, but it is still an issue in everyone that has ADHD. Shifting the focus onto dopamine is important in my opinion, and that is why I think a name change is appropriate.
Another aspect of ADHD that I feel like is important is not only thinking about it as something that someone has. I briefly mentioned this earlier, similar to Autism, there is a spectrum of ADHD. They are not the same spectrum, while they may have similarities, ADHD and Autism are two very different things and have different spectrums. Dr. Gabor Maté has been very vocal about how ADHD exists on a spectrum. VAST was even based on the idea that ADHD is on a spectrum. Viewing ADHD on a spectrum is so important because it helps show that people with ADHD are different from one another and are not all the same. The spectrum doesn’t have a defined shape or appearance, but I imagine it like a color wheel. The kind where the colors that are touching one another and blend together. And the wheel is shifting and spinning slowly, while those who fall on it remain still. And with this wheel if someone has ADHD they fall somewhere on the wheel. But there are no defined spaces on this wheel. Everyone falls in their own unique place. Sure some people may have a bunch of similarities of how their ADHD manifests, but they will have plenty of differences as well.
Part 2
ADHD is my superpower and I am constantly fighting it. I firmly believe that ADHD is a superpower (Again, not trying to speak for anyone here). Now it’s not a world saving superpower by any means. But ADHD does give some people some abilities that neurotypical people may not have. At the same time ADHD can be a crippling thing that helps cause unhelpful things to happen. My ADHD has helped me in certain areas of my life and has hurt me in plenty others. It’s a confusing realization that I had not too long ago. So I would like to try my best to explain to you, the reader, how ADHD has affected my life. My hope is that by doing this some people will see ADHD differently and have a better understanding of what it is. I promise I am not making anything up, not that there is anything unbelievable in this paper. Also my opinions, thoughts, and views of it are my own and no one else’s.
How ADHD Affected My Education
I was diagnosed with ADHD in fourth grade, but I don’t really remember the process. And honestly I don’t remember being told I have ADHD. I just remember starting to take a small pill every morning out of nowhere. What I do remember was school was hard for me. Not just the academic side of school, all of it was hard. Sure the work level itself was difficult in its own way, but all other aspects around middle and high school were hard for me. Having to remember what I am supposed to keep up with, where I’m supposed to go, what I have to do, etc. Homework was especially hard for me to remember to do or want to do. I am not blaming my ADHD for forgetting about homework, a lot of that is on me for not making an effort to do it, but I am saying that ADHD definitely did not help in this area. What I never forgot was what days I had practice, when my favorite shows would come on tv, or how to beat and play video games. But those were all preferred activities I had and they were things that calmed me down and helped me to escape the monotony for school and routines I didn’t care for. My hyperactivity didn’t manifest its why in much of a physical form of movement. Sure I bounce my knee sometimes without knowing and carry something I can fidget with, but it was never a “bouncing off the walls” running around hyperactivity. My hyperactivity was more mental than anything.
For a long time, even in college, it was hard for me to not think about things that I would much rather be thinking about. Normally coming in the forms of daydreaming about random things or thinking about what I was going to do when the school day was over. And as an Adult I still struggle with this, it is something I can control much easier now and can catch myself doing it, but it is still a struggle regardless.
A Perspective On My Mental Hyperactivity
The best way I can describe my view of my own ADHD is using a movie scene from Jurassic Park directed by Steven Spielberg. There’s a scene where the characters are watching a short animated video of how they made the dinosaurs explained by Mr. DNA. Within this video Mr. DNA is talking and he is surrounded by genetic codes flying super fast all over the screen and while he is talking he eventually gets hit with one of these codes and is swept away off the screen. That is kind of how I view my ADHD, I’ve got so many thoughts going around in my brain and eventually one thought sticks and sweeps me away into Dalton land. This happens without even realizing it happens in the moment, but eventually I am able to snap back to reality (Ope, there goes gravity). Sometimes this has been super helpful when randomly getting an idea for something I can do with a student while I am at a ball game. But most of the time it happens at times where I should be paying attention. This has also affected me socially when hanging out with friends, sometimes I don’t realize I am not fully focused on the current conversation, sometimes I am too focused on what I am going to say next (sorry friends if you’re reading this, it happens with literally everyone in my). This doesn’t happen all the time, I have learned to focus better in social settings, but unfortunately I forget sometimes. A lot of the time my brain just doesn’t feel quiet with all that is going on in there.
This is due to a lot of different things happening, it isn’t just the feeling I described above. I struggle with anxiety at times in my life and it’s just hard for me to not think about what is causing it. Stress plays a big role in this too, which causes more anxiety added on top of that. At times it just feels like a symphony of random loud things, and it just sucks. But I have learned ways that help me escape from that feeling, even if it’s just for a short time. These aren’t ways I dissociate from reality necessarily, and sometimes that’s what I need to do, but most of the time it’s just doing something I like to do or going somewhere I know is safe and calming. Like playing minecraft, or any other video game, or cooking dinner, or going on a walk. These are all ways I have found that help me to manage this feeling of what I call “loud brain”.
My Relationship With ADHD Jokes
I don’t find jokes about ADHD funny most of the time. And I know that is all on me. But the classic comments about saying someone did, or didn’t, do something because of their ADHD just annoys me. I hate that feeling personally and don’t really want to laugh at it. I don’t like it when people point out my ADHD specifically, and I know it’s never with ill intent in mind or to make me mad, but it’s personal to me. It just feels like a slap in the face “Hey you have this thing that causes you to screw up sometimes”, that’s what it feels like to me whenever it’s pointed out. Jokes aren’t bad, with the right delivery they can be pretty funny, and I know for a fact I have made jokes about it in the past. I am not saying to not make jokes or talk about it in a joking way if that is how you view your ADHD, that is great for you. I am not attempting to be the “ADHD Police” by any means. But a majority of jokes and comments that are made just aren’t funny to me and sometimes make me sad.
ADHD Is My Superpower
Let’s end on a positive, fun note shall we? One of my superpowers is my memory. I have this incredible memory that memorizes seemingly useless things. Like movie quotes and scenes, rules and mechanics to Dungeons and Dragons, obscure things in videogames, random conversations I’ve had with friends that when I have brought up again most of the time my friends don’t remember that conversation. I would say hyperfocusing is another superpower at times, sure sometimes it isn’t helpful, but I’d say a majority of the time it is. This helped me to memorize a lot of the stuff I mentioned above. I fully believe that it is what propelled me to fall in love with cooking. Not only that but it made me become good at it too (sorry to brag, but I make good food). It’s helped me to find different hobbies that I enjoy doing, even if some of them last for only a couple weeks. ADHD has also made me a better teacher. Because of my job and the students I work with, I am able to understand what it is they are struggling with. I’ve made relationships with students that have made differences because I could relate to them so well. And when they know that I know what it is like to be in similar situations they are more willing to let me work with them. I have made genuine friendships with some of my students because of this, and I know that has made an impact in not only their lives, but my life too.
ADHD is my superpower and I hate it.
Thanks for reading. If you ever want to chat about anything I talked about or have question feel free to reach out via email dhbailey2.5@gmail.com
Sources
National Health Service. “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).” NHS, 26 June 2023, www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/. Accessed 10 Oct. 2024.
National Institute of Mental Health. “Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).” National Institute of Mental Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2021, www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd. Accessed 10 Oct. 2024.
Maté, Gabor. “VAST: A New Name for ADHD and Why It’s a Game Changer.” ADDitude Magazine, 9 Apr. 2021, www.additudemag.com/attention-deficit-disorder-vast/. Accessed 16 Oct. 2024.
Silva, S. (2024, October 10). What Is the Role of Dopamine in ADHD? Healthline. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/adhd-dopamine
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